You need to be very careful and savvy when dealing with your ex. Remember this is a Father's Rights State and all allowances will go towards them.
Here are some tips that I have learned in the past four years. A little late for me, but perhaps someone can benefit from my experiences.
1. NEVER EVER leave a message for your ex. With the technology out there, voice messages can be manipulated to have you using inappropriate language and/or saying inappropriate things about your ex.
*On this note, I would not communicate with your ex unless it is in writing. My children's father used a tape of a conversation we had. In it he changed our dialogue to have me calling him foul names. He had me calling him a "prick." That's not a word that I use, if he wanted to be more accurate, then he should have used F$%@! bastard. Then at least there would have been the remote chance that I had actually called him that.
I would only communicate via email or text message.
2.NEVER EVER involve CPS. Judges hate that. CPS will always dismiss the case unles the parent kills or seriously harms the child. Pictures of bruises and horror stories of abuse are not good enough. Therefore, any involvement of CPS will backfire on you.
3. ALWAYS carry a pocket digital tape recorder with you. Whether you want to be up front with people or not, it is a major safety precaution. Tape all conversations with people who will be dealing with both of you. My children's father claimed in court that I screamed and carried on. Hilliard used that, even though he didn't have actual proof. I now tape every interaction I have and have used these tapes to prove him to be a liar.
*You can purchase one at Wal*Mart for approximately $40.00.
*Arizona follows Federal Laws on taping individuals. So, you are legally able to tape someone without informing them. The individual may not be happy with you, so I choose carefully who I am up front with and who I am not up front with about their being taped.
*If you feel the need to tape your own therapist - change therapists.
* The school and people that I am hoping to develop good relationships with, I always inform and explain why I have to tape. Essentially it is for their protection as well as mine.
*This has proven to be a mistake. I am not sure that you should inform people that you are taping.
*I tape the pediatrician because they are hostile towards me and unwilling to have any contact except to ask for money. I am supposed to be notified within 2 hours if the girls are treated, but they never do.
4. Always have a third party witness to all exchanges, preferably one your ex does not know is there. Again, this provides you the opportunity to trap them in their lies.
5. Never email/text anything emotional. Just send the facts about medicine, food or whatever. The parent who uses emotion against the other, does not care about the child/children and it's hard not to get angry over that. Limit any contact so that your ex has little to use against you.
6. Research your Judge. You can ask to change Judges only once and it has to be prior to them ruling on your case, it should be granted. There are several judges who lean either toward Father or Mother. Hilliard is a pro-father judge. Take the time to learn everything that you can. Remember that in fighting for your children's rights you have to take whatever advantanges that you can get. I can say that after sitting in Hilliard's court room last week, I will now sit in on any Judge that is assigned to my case. You only have about a 48 hour window to ask for the change, so be prepared to take the time to go immediately.
7. If you are thinking about filing for child support, remember that once the case is brought to the attention of the court, you can not leave the state with your children. Any parent who does this will look like they are attempting to remove the other parent from the children's lives.
8. If you are pregnant and the Father is not involved with you, Leave. Move to another state. Anywhere is better than Arizona. This state does not have the legislation to protect our children.
