we're all just trying to trap them....
Posted by Lisa Abrams on Sunday, December 27, 2009
I remember back in the fifties, from history and speaking with family members, that when a girl/woman became pregnant the girl and boy had to get married. Think Peggy Sue Got Married,anyway I had thought that times had changed. With the advent of the sixties and the whole sexual revolution, women were supposed to be able to have sex without being labeled a whore for it. Then of course, came the eighties and the whole Murphy Brown and Dan Quayle argument over the show glorifying unwed mothers. In the nineties Madonna had Lourdes without being married and women were going to Sperm Banks and tackling the baby idea on their own. It was 2003 when I became pregnant, I really didn't think that I would have to defend myself from the whore label and the idea that I was trying to trap Adam Marc James.
I met Adam in Dr. Simpson's class at ASU, I remember, in retrospect, that he attempted to hit on me a few times before I decided to talk to him. Anyway, I never viewed Adam as anything more than a casual friend, does this make me a bad person? I don't know, in fact I really don't care anymore.
Spring semester I already knew that I wanted to be Just friends and not friends with benefits. However, I also did not want to hurt his feelings. I attempted to push him towards another girl (hint Adam: When someone you are having sex with suggests you ask someone else out, they are attempting to dump you.) however that didn't work. For reasons that I will not disclose, out of kindness to Adam, condoms didn't work for him. So, surprise, I ended up pregnant.
I really didn't want to tell him that I was pregnant. I wanted to let the semester end and never see him again. But was that fair to him? To my baby? Then the decision was taken out of my hands because at 10 weeks, I was beginning to show. Twins will do that. So, I told him and offered him the opportunity to be in his child's life. He told me in no uncertain terms that he didn't want the child and even attempted to force me to have an abortion.
I was very lucky that fateful day that I told him. My children were very lucky. I had never let Adam know where I lived, so I was safe at home. I missed a lot of classes due to being so sick, but my instructors were fabulous and worked with me. The semester ended and I never expected to see Adam marc James again. Mind you, I told him that I was expecting twins and told him that I was going to have to go to DES for help. He felt that since he didn't want them, he shouldn't have any responsibility for them.
My OBGYN would refer to him as the "sperm donor." Honestly, it's how I began to think of him. throughout my pregnancy, I had issues and I got through them with the help of my mother, sister and friends. When I had to go for a high density ultra sound to see if Baby B had a specific disease that would kill her two weeks after birth, I cried with my mother and vowed we would love Baby B as long as we had her. I worried all through my pregnancy about her. In fact after she was born, she was taken for an x-ray or cat scan of her brain. I was out of it for a few days and my mother told me all about it.
After I had the girls, it was touch and go with me, I was very ill. It was questionable if I would make it. Not once did anyone think to contact their father, because they did not have one. My mother had to fill out the forms for me and hold the pen in my hand and help me sign the documents. She attempted to put his name on the birth certificated, but the hospital wouldn't let her.
When child support insisted on going after Adam, I was scared. He had warned me under no circumstances to come after him. When we had the first court hearing, he was telephonically because he had already fled the state, and he told me that he wanted to be a part of their lives. I wasn't thrilled. I owed it to my girls and to him to let him be involved, so I pasted a smile on my face and welcomed him into my children's lives.
Fast forward to the court hearings and all Adam and his family carp on is how I "wanted" him and how I attempted to trap him. It's such a crock and I am so tired of hearing it. Not just for my case but for every other woman who became pregnant outside "the sanctity of marriage" and society decides to label her that she was attempting to trap a man.
I wanted to be friends with Adam. However, when he finally came to see the girls' in December, five months after the first child support hearing, he made it clear what he expected to get in exchange for his child support. I didn't think the state of AZ would expect me to prostitute myself in exchange for child support. WOW! I was delusional. That is bad enough, dealing with Adam is hard enough. Whenever I have to go see the parent coordinator with him, I have to come home and scrub myself clean.
I can live with all of that. I can live with the shame of people knowing that I picked him to father my children. It's one thing that I find him lacking in looks, it's the personality that is so repugnant to me that makes him truly repulsive. However, I can paste a smile on my face and be pleasant for the sake of my children. What I can't stand is his constantly telling our children that I want him, his going to court and claiming I am fixated on him.
I tried to be nice and not spill it on what I really think of him... but enough is enough. My case with Adam Marc James is but an example of the thousands of others out there. When will the judges realize that not all women attempt to trap men, some of us just want our children. Some of us have a conscience and try to reach across the bridge in order to place our child/children's best interests above our own.
So, NOTICE TO MEN - You are not all that desirable that we get pregnant to attempt to trap you. Some of us just wanted our children and unfortunately you tagged along. We (mothers) were willing to be friendly for the sake of our children. That's it. You can keep living in your delusioned little world, that's fine with me. I just wanted to get it off my chest in a public arena once and for all. Keep crowing that I am fixated on you, if it makes you feel more like a man than so be it. But, Adam Marc James... read this blog carefully and remember, I am still being nice to you. Something that you are not reciprocating.
I met Adam in Dr. Simpson's class at ASU, I remember, in retrospect, that he attempted to hit on me a few times before I decided to talk to him. Anyway, I never viewed Adam as anything more than a casual friend, does this make me a bad person? I don't know, in fact I really don't care anymore.
Spring semester I already knew that I wanted to be Just friends and not friends with benefits. However, I also did not want to hurt his feelings. I attempted to push him towards another girl (hint Adam: When someone you are having sex with suggests you ask someone else out, they are attempting to dump you.) however that didn't work. For reasons that I will not disclose, out of kindness to Adam, condoms didn't work for him. So, surprise, I ended up pregnant.
I really didn't want to tell him that I was pregnant. I wanted to let the semester end and never see him again. But was that fair to him? To my baby? Then the decision was taken out of my hands because at 10 weeks, I was beginning to show. Twins will do that. So, I told him and offered him the opportunity to be in his child's life. He told me in no uncertain terms that he didn't want the child and even attempted to force me to have an abortion.
I was very lucky that fateful day that I told him. My children were very lucky. I had never let Adam know where I lived, so I was safe at home. I missed a lot of classes due to being so sick, but my instructors were fabulous and worked with me. The semester ended and I never expected to see Adam marc James again. Mind you, I told him that I was expecting twins and told him that I was going to have to go to DES for help. He felt that since he didn't want them, he shouldn't have any responsibility for them.
My OBGYN would refer to him as the "sperm donor." Honestly, it's how I began to think of him. throughout my pregnancy, I had issues and I got through them with the help of my mother, sister and friends. When I had to go for a high density ultra sound to see if Baby B had a specific disease that would kill her two weeks after birth, I cried with my mother and vowed we would love Baby B as long as we had her. I worried all through my pregnancy about her. In fact after she was born, she was taken for an x-ray or cat scan of her brain. I was out of it for a few days and my mother told me all about it.
After I had the girls, it was touch and go with me, I was very ill. It was questionable if I would make it. Not once did anyone think to contact their father, because they did not have one. My mother had to fill out the forms for me and hold the pen in my hand and help me sign the documents. She attempted to put his name on the birth certificated, but the hospital wouldn't let her.
When child support insisted on going after Adam, I was scared. He had warned me under no circumstances to come after him. When we had the first court hearing, he was telephonically because he had already fled the state, and he told me that he wanted to be a part of their lives. I wasn't thrilled. I owed it to my girls and to him to let him be involved, so I pasted a smile on my face and welcomed him into my children's lives.
Fast forward to the court hearings and all Adam and his family carp on is how I "wanted" him and how I attempted to trap him. It's such a crock and I am so tired of hearing it. Not just for my case but for every other woman who became pregnant outside "the sanctity of marriage" and society decides to label her that she was attempting to trap a man.
I wanted to be friends with Adam. However, when he finally came to see the girls' in December, five months after the first child support hearing, he made it clear what he expected to get in exchange for his child support. I didn't think the state of AZ would expect me to prostitute myself in exchange for child support. WOW! I was delusional. That is bad enough, dealing with Adam is hard enough. Whenever I have to go see the parent coordinator with him, I have to come home and scrub myself clean.
I can live with all of that. I can live with the shame of people knowing that I picked him to father my children. It's one thing that I find him lacking in looks, it's the personality that is so repugnant to me that makes him truly repulsive. However, I can paste a smile on my face and be pleasant for the sake of my children. What I can't stand is his constantly telling our children that I want him, his going to court and claiming I am fixated on him.
I tried to be nice and not spill it on what I really think of him... but enough is enough. My case with Adam Marc James is but an example of the thousands of others out there. When will the judges realize that not all women attempt to trap men, some of us just want our children. Some of us have a conscience and try to reach across the bridge in order to place our child/children's best interests above our own.
So, NOTICE TO MEN - You are not all that desirable that we get pregnant to attempt to trap you. Some of us just wanted our children and unfortunately you tagged along. We (mothers) were willing to be friendly for the sake of our children. That's it. You can keep living in your delusioned little world, that's fine with me. I just wanted to get it off my chest in a public arena once and for all. Keep crowing that I am fixated on you, if it makes you feel more like a man than so be it. But, Adam Marc James... read this blog carefully and remember, I am still being nice to you. Something that you are not reciprocating.
null
